emo feelings

carrying a steadfast heart to school.......
i keep remind myself not to keep remember the things which had happened yesterday..
but, my mind was kept reminding me.........
when everyone kept asking the result of the yesterday public speaking,
i was frustrated and faded up, and my mood was totally down....
although got the second prize wasn't a big deal,
but when realised this wasn't the main reason of losing point.
I will feel better if i was losed to someone who was better than me,
but i am losed to someone who was lousy than me!!!!!!!!!

Even teacher Fadhilatu was very disappointed to the result which had
given by the judges to me, she had been the judges for public speaking
for many years, she even make complaint to the PPD,
Most of the teachers had knowed this matter,
when my bm1 teacher asked me this matter,
again, she made me reminded this matter again...

whenever i looked at the small trophy which i had got,
i feel disappointed to the stupid judges, they don't know how to use
人才......send loser to compete.....totally insane....
i wasn't hoped to say it this way, but this really making me sick of it...

it wasn't fair, the most probably answer was may be i was
the only chinese girl who took part in this competition...
and they did not wanted to miss this opportunity to
'buli' me........
well, i wont gave up, may be these 3 judges had totally
triggered me or even mould me in different way
to be a better speaker in one day...
or may be someday, i should say thanks to them.....

while expressing my feeling,
i am hearing the song amazing grace by Chris Tomlin,
tears keep dropping down at 1st,
after then i feel not worth it to waste my tears,
because of that 3 stupid judges......
finish